Why Isn’t My Gym Like This?

Tuesday Titan

Fabu Friday

First Monday in January

It’s the first Monday of the year. I had a nice, if short, vacation. I was rested and ready for the new year. Despite the cold, I was ready for the gym this morning. It’s cardio day. I’m going to get all hot and sweaty. Then I’m going to take a shower, get dressed, and head to work. Does anyone thing I’d be writing were it really that uncomplicated?

I arrive at the gym just after the doors were unlocked — 0600. There’s a sign on the men’s locker room door about the hot water being partially fixed — didn’t know it was broken — and running out quickly. Okay, but I’ll be out of here before that happens. Um, not so much. I figured that worst case scenario would be the tepid stuff, but I wasn’t even really considering that. I was thinking more that I’d rush through the shower with it cooler than I usually do and save some hot water for the next person. Yeah. The best laid plans of mice and men. I worked out as typical. Got a major sweat going. Hit the locker room. Good, someone else was in the shower. He’s got the hot water flowing from New Albany — or is it Sellersburg?

Apparently he didn’t get hot water either. No hot water. Nada. Nope. Changed stalls just in case. Still a freaking freeze out. I’m standing there doing my very best to take a sponge bath in a shower that’s all but spraying ice.  Seriously, two degrees colder, and I would have had sleet in the stall. I kid you not. So I survived — looked like a friggin’ Ken doll to boot. This afternoon there was a sign on the door saying there’s NO hot water. Guess, I’ll be skipping tomorrow morning. I will, however, go by in the afternoon, and if there’s room to use any of the machines, I’ll go for it. Might even take a shower if the hot water’s fixed.

Monday’s Workout

As much as I enjoy running along the river in the early morning hours, I’ve been inside the gym lately. It’s been too cold to be outside, and even on these warmer mornings we’ve been having, I figure I might as well get used to being inside until sometime in March or April. Plus, I’m lifting more. When I’m away from the cable pulls, dumbbells, and plates I forget how much I totally enjoy pulling on the lifting gloves and moving a few tons around before I start my work day.

There’s another advantage as well. There are other people. And lately there are some really hunky, compact guys who are shorter than me — a fetish pleaser if ever there was one. I suppose it was a little obvious that I was interested when I damned near walked into a one of the bright purple ceiling support columns watching him walk. Yeah, Jack’s back in the high life.

I’m the Guy

I’m the guy
who dances on the bar –
the little boy
who blows his allowance on comics
and  the man
who can make the phone call to ask you out

I’m the gym rat
lifting a few tons a set –
the epicurean
with a hearty appetite
and the sound sleeper
protecting you through the night

I’m the knight errant
who knows the rules –
the rebel
who breaks them
and the courtier
passionately in love

Hanky Codes

When I work out I wear a bandanna tied around my head doo rag fashion. It absorbs a good bit of sweat and keeps me from carrying a towel around — especially when lifting. Sometimes during cardio, it will hold so much of the sweat in that I can wring it out when I’m finished. I know. Locker rooms can be quite disgusting.

This morning I while folding laundry I lay my assortment of bandannas on the table and began to wonder if anyone in the washateria knew the old hanky codes. While they haven’t been popular in twenty years, there are still some men who color code their back pockets and flag left or right. The good thing is that if you’ve memorized the code (and there are variations) you know what you’re in for — unless he’s confused. I don’t know how many men have actually been set afire and pissed on to be put out (cf. Some Men), but open times are, typically far less confusing and hopefully less dangerous.

I put a common set of hanky codes below. As I said, it’s a rare occasion to see the codes used these days, but it’s a nice but of gay lore. For the record there are also beard codes (typically used by Bears) and Twink codes.

COLOR	WORN ON LEFT	WORN ON RIGHT
BLACK	heavy SM top	heavy SM bottom
GREY	bondage top	fit to be tied!
BLUE, Light	wants head	cocksucker
BLUE, Robin’s Egg	69er	anything but 69ing
BLUE, Medium	cop	copsucker
BLUE, Navy	fucker (top)	fuckee (bottom)
BLUE, Airforce	pilot/flight attendant	likes flyboys
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Stripe	sailor	lookin’ for salty seamen
BLUE, Teal	cock & ball torturer	cock & ball torturee
RED	fist fucker	fist fuckee
MAROON	cuts	bleeds
RED, Dark	2-handed fister	2-handed fistee
PINK, Light	dildo fucker	dildo fuckee
PINK, Dark	tit torturer	tit torturee
MAUVE	into navel worshippers	has a navel fetish
MAGENTA	suck my pits	armpit freak
PURPLE	piercer	piercee
LAVENDER	likes drag queens	drag queen
YELLOW	pisser/WS	piss freak
YELLOW, Pale	spits	drool crazy
MUSTARD	hung 8″+	wants 8″+
GOLD	two looking for one	one looking for two
ORANGE	anything anytime	nothing now (just cruising)
APRICOT	two tons o’ fun	chubby chaser
CORAL	suck my toes	shrimper (sucks toes)
RUST	a cowboy	a cowboy’s horse
FUSCHIA	spanker	spankee
GREEN, Kelly	hustler (for rent)	john (looking to buy)
GREEN, Hunter	daddy	orphan boy looking for daddy
OLIVE DRAB	military top	military bottom
GREEN, Lime	dines off tricks (food)	dinner plate (will buy dinner)
BEIGE	rimmer	rimmee
BROWN	scat top	scat bottom
BROWN LACE	uncut	likes uncut
BROWN SATIN	cut	likes cut
CHARCOAL	latex fetish top	latex fetish bottom
GREY FLANNEL	owns a suit	likes men in suits
WHITE	beat my meat (J/O)	I’ll do us both (J/O)
HOLSTEIN	milker	milkee
CREAM	cums in condoms	sucks cum out of condoms
BLACK w/WHITE Check	safe sex top	safe sex bottom
RED w/WHITE Stripe	shaver	shavee
RED w/BLACK Stripe	furry bear	likes bears
WHITE LACE	likes white bottoms	likes white tops
BLACK w/WHITE Stripe	likes black bottoms	likes black tops
BROWN w/WHITE Stripe	likes latino bottoms	likes latino tops
YELLOW w/WHITE Stripe	likes asian bottoms	likes asian tops
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Dots	likes white suckers	likes to suck whites
BLUE, Light w/BLACK Dots	likes black suckers	likes to suck blacks
BLUE, Light w/BROWN Dots	likes latino suckers	likes to suck latinos
BLUE, Light w/YELLOW Dots	likes asian suckers	likes to suck asians
RED/WHITE GINGHAM	park sex top	park sex bottom
BROWN CORDUROY	headmaster	student
PAISLEY	wears boxer shorts	likes boxer shorts
FUR	bestialist top	bestialist bottom
GOLD LAME	likes muscleboy bottoms	likes muscleboy tops
SILVER LAME	starfucker	celebrity
BLACK VELVET	has/takes videos	will perform for the camera
WHITE VELVET	voyeur (likes to watch)	will put on a show
LEOPARD	has tattoos	likes tattoos
TAN	smokes cigars	likes cigars
TEDDY BEAR	cuddler	cuddlee
KEWPIE DOLL	chicken (under-aged)	chicken hawk (likes young adolescents)
DIRTY JOCKSTRAP	wears a dirty jock	sucks dirty jocks clean
DOILY	tearoom top (pours)	tearoom bottom (drinks)
MOSQUITO NETTING	outdoor sex top	outdoor sex bottom
ZIPLOC BAG	has drugs	looking for drugs
COCKTAIL NAPKIN	bartender	bar groupie
KLEENEX	stinks	sniffs
KEYS IN FRONT	has a car	looking for a ride
KEYS IN BACK	has a home	needs a place to stay
HOUNDSTOOTH	likes to nibble	willing to be bitten
UNION JACK	skinhead top	skinhead bottom
CALICO	new in town	tourists welcome
TERRYCLOTH	bathhouse top	bathhouse bottom
WHITE w/MULTICOLOR Dots	hosting an orgy	looking for an orgy

Jack’s Plates

Men’s Health makes it sound easy in the How To: ”Stand holding two weight plates together, smooth sides out, close to your chest. Your fingers should point forward. Squeezing the plates, extend your arms straight out in front of you. Pause, then return to the starting position. Start with four sets of eight reps.” This little exercise works: chest, biceps, shoulders, abs, and strengthens your grip — which according to some study or other helps reduce high blood pressure (to which I’m genetically linked).

So, I tried it — alternating with sets of forearm curls (15# dumbbell). I started with 5# plates and moved to 10#. The 20# is a little light for me, but I’ll stick with it until I get the form down better. I has done some serious chest and back work already along with triceips and biceps work on the cable cross. It’s amazing to watch the pin work down the weight stack on the fly machine. Of course, it’s also interesting to watch the number of reps go up before the pin moves down. Having said that,  I’m going to have to get back to the abs routine that I’ve been slack on. Russian twists just sound kinda sexy.

Delts & Lats

I don’t think I’ve talked much about how much I’m coming to enjoy the cross cable machines at the gym. They give me more freedom and varietythan the fixed range machines, they offer better balance training as a positive side-effect, and I’m more comfortable with them than with free weights. Now my biceps, triceps, lats, and delts have that wonderfully worked feeling. After talking to the trainer, I have some exercises for my brachioradialis to strengthen them — especially the left that hurts during lat pulldowns.

I think that instead of becoming a gym rat, I am one.

 

Coveting Ink

I’m at the gym this afternoon, and as I’m coming up to the cable machine, I noticed my calves in the mirror. I’m completely out of balance — as far as ink goes. So I’m toying with, in the not overly distant future, getting a tribal wolf done over the kanji on my left calf. I’m looking on line now, and I’ve found something I’m interested in. The kangi means dragon, and was always really intended to have a wolf (in some form or fashion) put with it. Some guys are into sleeves. I’m into…whatever name you choose to put on it.