Monday’s Workout

As much as I enjoy running along the river in the early morning hours, I’ve been inside the gym lately. It’s been too cold to be outside, and even on these warmer mornings we’ve been having, I figure I might as well get used to being inside until sometime in March or April. Plus, I’m lifting more. When I’m away from the cable pulls, dumbbells, and plates I forget how much I totally enjoy pulling on the lifting gloves and moving a few tons around before I start my work day.

There’s another advantage as well. There are other people. And lately there are some really hunky, compact guys who are shorter than me — a fetish pleaser if ever there was one. I suppose it was a little obvious that I was interested when I damned near walked into a one of the bright purple ceiling support columns watching him walk. Yeah, Jack’s back in the high life.

I’m the Guy

I’m the guy
who dances on the bar –
the little boy
who blows his allowance on comics
and  the man
who can make the phone call to ask you out

I’m the gym rat
lifting a few tons a set –
the epicurean
with a hearty appetite
and the sound sleeper
protecting you through the night

I’m the knight errant
who knows the rules –
the rebel
who breaks them
and the courtier
passionately in love

Hanky Codes

When I work out I wear a bandanna tied around my head doo rag fashion. It absorbs a good bit of sweat and keeps me from carrying a towel around — especially when lifting. Sometimes during cardio, it will hold so much of the sweat in that I can wring it out when I’m finished. I know. Locker rooms can be quite disgusting.

This morning I while folding laundry I lay my assortment of bandannas on the table and began to wonder if anyone in the washateria knew the old hanky codes. While they haven’t been popular in twenty years, there are still some men who color code their back pockets and flag left or right. The good thing is that if you’ve memorized the code (and there are variations) you know what you’re in for — unless he’s confused. I don’t know how many men have actually been set afire and pissed on to be put out (cf. Some Men), but open times are, typically far less confusing and hopefully less dangerous.

I put a common set of hanky codes below. As I said, it’s a rare occasion to see the codes used these days, but it’s a nice but of gay lore. For the record there are also beard codes (typically used by Bears) and Twink codes.

COLOR	WORN ON LEFT	WORN ON RIGHT
BLACK	heavy SM top	heavy SM bottom
GREY	bondage top	fit to be tied!
BLUE, Light	wants head	cocksucker
BLUE, Robin’s Egg	69er	anything but 69ing
BLUE, Medium	cop	copsucker
BLUE, Navy	fucker (top)	fuckee (bottom)
BLUE, Airforce	pilot/flight attendant	likes flyboys
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Stripe	sailor	lookin’ for salty seamen
BLUE, Teal	cock & ball torturer	cock & ball torturee
RED	fist fucker	fist fuckee
MAROON	cuts	bleeds
RED, Dark	2-handed fister	2-handed fistee
PINK, Light	dildo fucker	dildo fuckee
PINK, Dark	tit torturer	tit torturee
MAUVE	into navel worshippers	has a navel fetish
MAGENTA	suck my pits	armpit freak
PURPLE	piercer	piercee
LAVENDER	likes drag queens	drag queen
YELLOW	pisser/WS	piss freak
YELLOW, Pale	spits	drool crazy
MUSTARD	hung 8″+	wants 8″+
GOLD	two looking for one	one looking for two
ORANGE	anything anytime	nothing now (just cruising)
APRICOT	two tons o’ fun	chubby chaser
CORAL	suck my toes	shrimper (sucks toes)
RUST	a cowboy	a cowboy’s horse
FUSCHIA	spanker	spankee
GREEN, Kelly	hustler (for rent)	john (looking to buy)
GREEN, Hunter	daddy	orphan boy looking for daddy
OLIVE DRAB	military top	military bottom
GREEN, Lime	dines off tricks (food)	dinner plate (will buy dinner)
BEIGE	rimmer	rimmee
BROWN	scat top	scat bottom
BROWN LACE	uncut	likes uncut
BROWN SATIN	cut	likes cut
CHARCOAL	latex fetish top	latex fetish bottom
GREY FLANNEL	owns a suit	likes men in suits
WHITE	beat my meat (J/O)	I’ll do us both (J/O)
HOLSTEIN	milker	milkee
CREAM	cums in condoms	sucks cum out of condoms
BLACK w/WHITE Check	safe sex top	safe sex bottom
RED w/WHITE Stripe	shaver	shavee
RED w/BLACK Stripe	furry bear	likes bears
WHITE LACE	likes white bottoms	likes white tops
BLACK w/WHITE Stripe	likes black bottoms	likes black tops
BROWN w/WHITE Stripe	likes latino bottoms	likes latino tops
YELLOW w/WHITE Stripe	likes asian bottoms	likes asian tops
BLUE, Light w/WHITE Dots	likes white suckers	likes to suck whites
BLUE, Light w/BLACK Dots	likes black suckers	likes to suck blacks
BLUE, Light w/BROWN Dots	likes latino suckers	likes to suck latinos
BLUE, Light w/YELLOW Dots	likes asian suckers	likes to suck asians
RED/WHITE GINGHAM	park sex top	park sex bottom
BROWN CORDUROY	headmaster	student
PAISLEY	wears boxer shorts	likes boxer shorts
FUR	bestialist top	bestialist bottom
GOLD LAME	likes muscleboy bottoms	likes muscleboy tops
SILVER LAME	starfucker	celebrity
BLACK VELVET	has/takes videos	will perform for the camera
WHITE VELVET	voyeur (likes to watch)	will put on a show
LEOPARD	has tattoos	likes tattoos
TAN	smokes cigars	likes cigars
TEDDY BEAR	cuddler	cuddlee
KEWPIE DOLL	chicken (under-aged)	chicken hawk (likes young adolescents)
DIRTY JOCKSTRAP	wears a dirty jock	sucks dirty jocks clean
DOILY	tearoom top (pours)	tearoom bottom (drinks)
MOSQUITO NETTING	outdoor sex top	outdoor sex bottom
ZIPLOC BAG	has drugs	looking for drugs
COCKTAIL NAPKIN	bartender	bar groupie
KLEENEX	stinks	sniffs
KEYS IN FRONT	has a car	looking for a ride
KEYS IN BACK	has a home	needs a place to stay
HOUNDSTOOTH	likes to nibble	willing to be bitten
UNION JACK	skinhead top	skinhead bottom
CALICO	new in town	tourists welcome
TERRYCLOTH	bathhouse top	bathhouse bottom
WHITE w/MULTICOLOR Dots	hosting an orgy	looking for an orgy

Jack’s Plates

Men’s Health makes it sound easy in the How To: ”Stand holding two weight plates together, smooth sides out, close to your chest. Your fingers should point forward. Squeezing the plates, extend your arms straight out in front of you. Pause, then return to the starting position. Start with four sets of eight reps.” This little exercise works: chest, biceps, shoulders, abs, and strengthens your grip — which according to some study or other helps reduce high blood pressure (to which I’m genetically linked).

So, I tried it — alternating with sets of forearm curls (15# dumbbell). I started with 5# plates and moved to 10#. The 20# is a little light for me, but I’ll stick with it until I get the form down better. I has done some serious chest and back work already along with triceips and biceps work on the cable cross. It’s amazing to watch the pin work down the weight stack on the fly machine. Of course, it’s also interesting to watch the number of reps go up before the pin moves down. Having said that,  I’m going to have to get back to the abs routine that I’ve been slack on. Russian twists just sound kinda sexy.

Delts & Lats

I don’t think I’ve talked much about how much I’m coming to enjoy the cross cable machines at the gym. They give me more freedom and varietythan the fixed range machines, they offer better balance training as a positive side-effect, and I’m more comfortable with them than with free weights. Now my biceps, triceps, lats, and delts have that wonderfully worked feeling. After talking to the trainer, I have some exercises for my brachioradialis to strengthen them — especially the left that hurts during lat pulldowns.

I think that instead of becoming a gym rat, I am one.

 

Coveting Ink

I’m at the gym this afternoon, and as I’m coming up to the cable machine, I noticed my calves in the mirror. I’m completely out of balance — as far as ink goes. So I’m toying with, in the not overly distant future, getting a tribal wolf done over the kanji on my left calf. I’m looking on line now, and I’ve found something I’m interested in. The kangi means dragon, and was always really intended to have a wolf (in some form or fashion) put with it. Some guys are into sleeves. I’m into…whatever name you choose to put on it.

The Ink of a Life

 

I was in the locker room freshly showered from my workout, when I noticed a guy wiping a bright blue patch on his biceps. I walked over and told him it was cool. He just started it last night. It will eventually become a sleeve. Then we started talking about tattoos and the artists who do them. Our conversation led me to realize just how loyal people are to their tattoo artists. Seriously, you can give me a different optometrist every year. I barely remember the guy who pierced my nipple. I don’t care if it’s him or one of the other guys in the shop when I go back, but I want the same guy taking care of my ink all the time. The Unitarian in me forces me to say that I use the male pronoun because my tattoo artist is a man. All the piercers are male. I have nothing against women tattoo and piercing artists; they are just outside my frame of reference. But I digress.

There’s a lot of trust that goes into letting someone get near you with an electric needle and a pot of ink. I want someone who has some experience; these things are permanent after all. I want to see pics of previous work, but testimonials are overboard. I also want someone who looks awake, has some ink showing, and above all has a cache of rubber (or nitrate) gloves on hand, and I want to see bio hazard containers for the spent stuff. Clean floors are a must, and don’t let me see anything that resembles blood. Keep containers of disinfectant in plain site. Oh, and those certs from the health department are nice to see too.

Looking over my requirements, I think most are about the safety of the job – for both me and the artist. Getting a feel for his or her talent is more intuitive. I’ve walked out of tattoo studios because they didn’t feel right. I’ll do it again if I don’t jive with the place. As the song says: It’s my body and my body/Is nobody’s business but my own.. So, it up to me to make sure that I’m doing things as smartly as possible.

Vomiturus Sum!

I love the gym. It’s an addiction greater than gin, but there are things that just drive me absolutely insane… 

Put on a towel! Seriously, they provide them here for free. Take one from the shelf, wrap it around your waist. If you cannot fit a single towel around your waist, use two or keep your drawers on. Even if I’m lusting after you, cover up. A captured glance is exciting, but parading your dick around the locker room is disgusting. Let me guess what’s under the cotton. And too often, the guy really doesn’t have much to flaunt.

 And for those of you who dress in the shower stall, I’m intrigued. Just how do you keep your clothes dry? Seriously, no one is really paying attention to you — unless your violating the above. Of course, coming out of the shower fully dressed (except for your shoes) will get you some attention.

Moving out to the gym. Leave your motherfucking cell phone in the locker room. You look like an idiot on a treadmill yakking with your sister. This is mostlya chick thing. The weight machines aren’t rest benches. Unless you’ve seriously - (and you didn’t) get your ass up and move. Pose elsewhere. I’m interesting in working out not waiting for you to decide it’s time to mosey over to the next machine. BTW, if you’re circuit training, you’re supposed to keep moving. And you, Meathead, stop admiring your biceps in the mirror. Babycakes, they aren’t that impressive.

Fa la la, la la la, la la la

On the Feast of Epiphany I went to see Pandora Production’s latest holiday offering Don We Now More Gay Apparel (http://www.pandoraprods.org/). It’s a play full of mirth, humor, irreverence, and drag queens. If you have the time and aren’t easily offended, I encourage you to see the production. It’s worth the admission. From a reunion of the Peanuts characters where Charlie Brown goes postal, to the North Pole version of The Vagina Monologues, to the asides from Gayle King the play is a non-stop pleasure sensation. The venue in the Henry Clay is phenominal. I sat in the last seat of the top row, and laughed extra hard when one of the songs suggested blowing the guy in the corner. Some of the categories will make much better sense if you see the play.

Along with my enjoyment of the show, I also received positive reinforcement from some of the lyrics. They mirror what’s been going on in my thoughts lately. It’s a good thing. It’s a positive thing, and I’m looking forward to what comes next.

Bits & Bobs

I’m into my second week of working with a professional trainer. It’s different. The nicest part is that he’s doing the counting. And it’s also very nice to see him in a different light than I have before. So, I’m almost ready to fledge out and start working with the free weights on my own. I’ll keep to some of the machines for simplicity, but I’ve found a different part of myself. I think that’s the best thing about my new found love of the gym — the parts of me I never knew existed. And maybe at the end of the day, that’s all any of us can really hope for.

It’s set. The interview is tomorrow. I’ve got the clothes pressed, my hair cut, my beard trimmed by a pro, and my wingtips have a fine, but not toofine, shine on them. And the only jewelry I’ll be wearing is the barbell in my nipple — I would strongly expect it to stay hidden through the interview. I’m slightly nervous, but I’ll do okay. I’m approaching this with the attitude of “You’re not out of my league, but I might just be out of yours.” We’ll see. And they can look for me at my favorite Third Place for a Tanqueray and tonic on my way to the Meat Muffins tomorrow. =